


Intimate

by Fictionista654



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:00:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28102824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fictionista654/pseuds/Fictionista654
Summary: In another timeline, Julia and Kady do the secrets spell together.
Relationships: Kady Orloff-Diaz/Julia Wicker
Comments: 6
Kudos: 35





	Intimate

It’s cold on the rooftop they’ve chosen for this spell. They sit cross-legged, knee-to-knee, a bottle of golden whiskey between them. Both of them bear a white streak of paint down each cheek and across each collarbone. Their hands are bound.

Inevitably, it’s awkward.

“So,” says Julia, a wrinkle between her brows as she does her best not to glance at Kady’s chest. “All we need is to figure out our highest governing internal circumstance.”

“Our utmost truth,” Kady agrees. “Can’t be _that_ hard, right?” She raises the bottle with one hand and tips some of the burning liquid down her throat.

Julia’s lips tilt upward. “Right.” She accepts the bottle from Kady and takes a swig. The whiskey warms her insides, and she shivers with delight.

Despite the dark, she can see the swell of Kady’s breast, the curve of her belly. She wants to rest her head on Kady’s shoulder, to breathe in Kady’s scent. This moment is so intimate. But that’s the point. They’re supposed to bare their souls.

Julia doesn’t know if she can. Her utmost truth is a timid thing, small and quaking and hidden by years and years of denial. Can she bring it into the light? She tests her bonds, but they hold firm.

“Margo and Eliot are so full of it,” Kady says. “Wanna bet that this is some sort of trick for blackmail material?”

  
“Yeah,” Julia says, smiling slightly. “They want to know if we’ve, like, killed somebody.”

Kady raises a brow. “Have you?”

Anywhere else, the question would be ridiculous. But the students at Brakebills have learned not to underestimate their classmates. That physical kid you wish would shut up about phosphoromancy for one second? She has the president on speed-dial. That botany magician you called a nerd? Definitely a nerd, but also definitely on the path to world domination.

“No,” Julia says after a moment. “Never. You?”

  
“If I did, it’s not my highest governing circumstance or whatever,” says Kady.

The corner of Julia’s lip lifts. “Oh, really?”

Their eyes meet. “Really,” Kady says softly.

Julia knows that something important is happening in this moment. She can feel it in the air: she and Kady have unleashed an electric force. It crackles between them, invisible yet palpable. Julia can taste it on her tongue.

This is so fucking typical, she thinks. She gets a crush on a girl and suddenly Brakebills is like, _Why don’t you guys get naked?_ It’s exactly the sort of thing she’s come to expect. A strange mix of wish fulfillment and nightmare. Julia is dreaming with her eyes open.

Kady’s knee brushes Julia’s, and Julia shivers. She wraps her arms around herself and looks up at the sky. It’s a full moon tonight. When they were little, she and Q went werewolf hunting on full moon nights, though they never caught anything.

“This is never going to work,” Kady says, her cheek propped on a palm.

“You don’t have any idea what yours could be?” Somehow, Julia doesn’t believe this. She knows there’s a world in Kady’s head she’s never been let into. Sometimes, in the middle of a conversation, Kady will zone out, her eyes focused on a point in front of her like it’s all that’s keeping her from drowning. She shuts down faster than a waterlogged laptop.

It’s infuriating and it’s heart-breaking and it’s ridiculous. Kady doesn’t have to hide herself from Julia.

But Julia can’t pretend that she hasn’t also hidden herself away.

“Hey,” says Kady, holding out her bound hands and running her fingers down Julia’s cheek. “You’re crying.”

“Oh,” says Julia, feeling hot tears course down her cheek. “I guess I am.” She laughs a little. “Sorry.”

Kady’s face is so close to hers. Julia longs to reach out her own hand, to touch the curve of Kady’s cheekbone, run a thumb over her full lower lip. Her heart feels like an open sore. It weeps and weeps.

“What?” Kady says. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I’m not,” Julia says quickly.

“You’re not looking at me? Because I can confirm that you are.” They are close enough for Kady’s breath to ghost along Julia’s cheek.

Julia’s entire body shakes. Everything, her wanting and her pain and her magic, it’s too big, it’s too much, she’s too full of feeling, she’s overflowing. She bends her head down, and tears splash against her bare ankles and calves.

“Hey, hey,” Kady soothes. She comes closer until her left side is pressed against Julia’s right. “It’s going to be okay.”

“But it won’t,” Julia says, lifting her eyes. Looking directly at Kady hurts, so she looks at the stars instead. “I want something I can’t have.”

“How—” Kady bites her lip. “How do you know you can’t have it?”  
By now Julia’s heart is doing its best impression of a maraca. She feels lightheaded, like she might faint. Her eyes trace the familiar constellations, and slowly her breathing evens out. She becomes aware of Kady’s thumb, which is rubbing circles on Julia’s thigh.

“Tell me,” says Kady. Her eyes are urgent, but her voice is gentle. “Tell me what you want.”

Julia stares down at the ropes holding her wrists together. Not for the first time, she curses Margo and Eliot for putting her in this position. They must have known. There’s no way they didn’t.

“You,” Julia says at last. The word hangs in the air, soft and luminous. With a whisper, her ropes slither off her, landing in her lap.

“See?” says Kadie. “That wasn’t so hard.” She’s smiling, the kind of smile she gets before she does something crazy. “You wanna know my secret?”

Silently, Julia nods.

“It’s not about you,” Kady says. There’s a silence. “I’m sorry. But you don’t want to be my deepest secret. Trust me.”

“Then what am I?” says Julia.

“You’re this,” Kady says, and then she kisses her. It’s a soft, sweet kiss, the softest and sweetest that Julia has ever had. She winds her fingers through Kady’s dark curls and deepens the kiss, sweeping her tongue across the roof of Kady’s mouth. When they draw apart, Kady snags Julia’s lower lip between her teeth.

Kady rests her forehead against Julia’s. “God, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

“Let’s do it again,” says Julia, and they do.

**Author's Note:**

> i don't even know what this was but thanks for reading


End file.
